Her husband's mate tried to kiss her. What would you do?

Here's the first Group Therapy question for 2010 from Anna*:

"My husband and I have been together for many years and married for a couple. Most of the relationship has been great, we seem to be good at communicating with each other and have similar ideas when it comes to the fundamentals of a relationship, such as cheating and kids.

A few months ago a long-time friend of his hit on me. He was over at our house, my husband was there too, and they were both very drunk. The friend was a bit "handsy" towards me and so I pushed his hands away and told him to stop, unsuccessfully. He then started kissing me on my back and shoulders at which point I told him to leave. He did. I should mention that I didn't do anything to encourage this behaviour and now wish that I had been more forceful when I was initially pushing his hands away.

I spoke to my husband about what had happened and he didn't think that it was such a major issue, like I did. Long story short, about a week later the friend called my husband, and later me, and apologised, using intoxication as an excuse. My husband has forgiven him, while I have not.

I am getting over my anger at the friend. Time has passed and I feel less sick about it, however it has now caused an issue between my husband and I. I am having trouble with his response. I am really disappointed by it. I know you cant change someone's reaction, but I wish it had been different. He also thinks that my reaction is over the top. I should mention that the friend is engaged, due to be married in one month, and I am now not going to the wedding. While I have not spoken with the fiance, I am of the understanding that she is aware of what happened and has since expressed anger towards me for not forgiving her fiance. I am ignoring her anger, as the only thing I am concerned about is my husband and I and getting into a fight with her is not going to achieve anything. I also don't think I would have my husbands support. Ideally my husband wants me to forgive his friend, go to the wedding and move on. I don't think I can do that.

I am struggling to move on from this. I feel like I just need to accept that he has his own response and change my thinking about how i think he should respond, but I am finding that really difficult. I guess I am comparing him to how I think he should be. How do people move on after being disappointed by their partner? Do I just need to get over myself and move on?

I have suggested relationship counselling, but he doesn't seem that keen on it. I think it would be good, hopefully in this matter and also for our communication in the future.

Sorry if that is a bit on a ramble, but quite a complicated situation and it was hard to get it all out in a logical order."

Care to share some collective wisdom? What should Anna do?

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